Expectations

After looking through my old posts on this blog, I noticed that I spend a lot of time wishing and struggling for peace and harmony in my household, but yet, for several years it has alluded me no matter what I do or try.  I sound like a broken record.

So now I ask myself:
Am I expecting something unrealistic?
Or is there really a problem here that I am not dealing with?

The answer to both questions is yes.

I suppose the first part of the issue is that not everyone's idea of peace and harmony is the same.  Or they have different ways of getting there.  Or maybe it really doesn't matter to them.  And it really doesn't matter, since I have come to realize that the only place to find peace and harmony is within yourself, regardless of what other people think, do, say, or feel. Expecting someone else to fit into your own parameters isn't realistic.  What it does is guarantee disappointment.  And boy have I been disappointed.  I have been looking outside of myself for reinforcement, support, and yes, I admit it - peace.  The thing is, is that I set myself up for the disappointment.  I didn't live in the present moment.  I was looking to the next moment and finding fault with what was NOW, and how it would affect the future, my future... MY tranquility.  And naturally I blamed it on the perceived intrusion and/or impediment rather than accepting reality and my part in the disruption.

But then there is the nagging feeling that what I am hoping for ISN'T unrealistic.  I KNOW it is possible.

So what then is the problem?  Naturally we need to deal with the people and situations around us, and having expectations of others is completely normal, but what you do with them is where the difference lies.  I am concluding that the real key to dealing with our expectations is COMMUNICATION.  Without REAL communication, the entire structure of reliance and trust between two people breaks down.  If everyone openly and honestly communicates effectively, and LISTENS to the other person's concerns/needs, there should be no reason why a happy medium can't be found.  However, if one or neither party is able to effectively communicate and/or listen, it is virtually impossible for the needs/desires of either party to be met.  Unfortunately I am finding myself in just this situation.

So how do you resolve a stalemate?  You change yourself.  You change the circumstance.  You change the environment.  You change your expectations.  You change SOMETHING.  The only thing you can't change is someone else, and expecting them to change IS unrealistic.  You may find that the only way to find resolution is by leaving the relationship.  No matter what change you make, it really becomes our responsibility to ourselves, to take necessary measures to find our own personal peace and satisfaction in our relationships and lives.

The well known definition of INSANITY seems a very fitting way to end this post;

Insanity;  Doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results.

Is it time to end the insanity in your life?  Make a change for the better.  Today I accept responsibility for my own peace and harmony.

Freedom from FB

After finally succumbing to the pressure to join FaceBook, and actually enjoying it for a while, I have recently come to the realization that FB really hasn't brought any substantial benefit to my life.  In fact, it has done the opposite by taking much of my free time from my family, and myself.  I haven't done any knitting or spinning, no photography, not as much reading, no new blog posts, etc.  FB really became a drain of my time and energy, it stifled my creativity, and essentially created an addict.  I made the decision last week to delete my FB account, and after a few days of withdrawal, I am finally feeling liberated!  What a relief.  It is time to get back to my life.  The life that is here - now - and is REAL.  The article that pushed me over the edge is here - http://www.minimalistathome.com/your-digital-life-is-not-your-life/.  Perhaps some of you will come to the same realization as I did.

2011 - Already?!

Another turn of the year has come and gone.  We are already 1/2 way through January!  I find myself amazed at the accelerating rate of the passage of time.  No matter how hard I try to slow life down, it keeps going - faster and faster.  I suppose I will just have to accept the fact that time really does fly.
So where have I been the past 4 months?  Home.  Trying my best to bring harmony to our household.  And although challenging, I have had some success.  Here is an update on the happenings of late;

We are still homeschooling, and doing MUCH better than we did last year.  December was tough to keep momentum going, but that is par for the course with the holidays.  I am not going to beat myself up about taking a few weeks off for the holidays.  I am overjoyed to say that we are almost finished with MathUSee Gamma!  We started over with it in September and have made steady and swift progress.  Both kids are reaching mastery of multi-digit multiplication.  We are on course to move into division in the next month or so!  I am so very pleased and am breathing with relief at their progress.   The Spectrum writing workbooks have proven to be a tremendous help as well.  I have seen great progress in both of their writing and spelling abilities even though it doesn't feel like we have been making any extraordinary effort.  I think the variety of the lessons as well as more consistency has been the key to improvement.  Reading has really taken off this year too, especially for H.  It is a joy to come home from the library with armloads of books and actually see that my son is reading them.  I thought it would never happen, but patience has paid off.  Overall, I am feeling the best I have thus far with our HSing.  I think I have finally reached a true knowing that the kids will be fine, even if we don't do it like they do at PS.  It is a blessing to have them learning at home.  My son is still very enthusiastic about cooking, and is looking forward to some serious science projects.  Both kids also want to learn to sew and knit, so there are lots of fun things on the horizon for us.

As for myself, I have been challenged to the extreme over the past few months in several aspects, but I feel like the sun may finally be breaking through if at least a little at a time.  My primary concern at the moment is my struggle with severe anemia.  The past three months I have been struggling with it, but have just come to discover that it has gotten worse.  I am now engaging in overdrive iron supplementation and hope it will make a difference.  Another month will tell.  My financial picture is slowly taking shape with the recent purchase of a duplex, but I still am looking for a way to further supplement my personal income.  I am seriously considering starting up my spinning business again.  Which reminds me - I have actually made some time to sit down with my wheels again!  It feels so good to create once again.  It has been long overdue...

My goals for this year are pretty basic - to keep up our HS momentum, to improve my (and our) health, and to continue to improve my financial outlook.  And finally to bring back joy and peace to my household.

OH!  I almost forgot!  We got another doggie! She is a young Australian Cattle Dog (aka; blue heeler).  I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I would ever own more than one dog at a time, but much to my enjoyment, we now have two!

MY how time flies!

I can't believe how much time has passed since my last post.  Much has happened the past few weeks, but on the same note, not much has happened at the same time.  I can barely remember what we have been busy with, but will give it my best shot.

I suppose I should begin where I left off.  H has finally found a boy scout den to join, and the fun began with fundraising popcorn sales.  The idea of going door to door selling expensive popcorn did not thrill me in the least, but in the spirit of encouraging my son, I kept my mouth shut and smiled.  Luckily, the events of several days saved me from the anticipated doom....  Here is how it started...

We decided to take a week off school while I installed a new laminate wood floor in our basement. Of course this was news well received by the kids, and I was looking forward to the challenge of the project (After all, I had never-ever done any construction type work before).  The man unit (husband) didn't want anything to do with the nagging project since he had to work and was sick of projects, and so in my characteristic fashion decided that I would do it myself.  And so work began.  It was slow going the first day, but soon gained momentum as I gained practice and experience with the tools and materials.  Yes! I was thinking, I can get this done in a week...  By day 4 I was about half way finished, but then had to break for a few days...  What interrupted us?  An estate sale across the street....

The estate sale turned out to be quite an event.  For three days there was a constant flow of people in and out of the house across the street.  The kids and I found ourself "visiting" several times as well.  Yes, purchases were made, but I will tell about those in another post.  What we did decide though, was that it would be the perfect opportunity to set up a Boy Scout Popcorn table at the top of our driveway.  On our first day, H sold approximately $50 worth of popcorn in only two or so hours. He was very pleased!  Naturally, we decided we would have to set up again the following day, along with a lemonade stand for L.  What a great idea!  And to make it even better, we would sell muffins in the morning for all the early garage sale birds.  Let me say this - I was beginning to wonder if we should set up a permanent stand.  The kids did great!  It was well worth the effort, and the kids had a few solid days of real work experience.  Admittedly I was tired myself, but very pleased with the experience the kids got in sales and money handling.  Both of them gained confidence on many levels from the experience.  The added bonus was that H sold enough popcorn to meet his "suggested" minimum sales.  WoooHooo!  We wouldn't have to go door to door!

UPDATE:  H was awarded with the esteemed title of "Popcorn King".  He was the top salesman in his entire Boy Scout Pack!  WAY TO GO!

Boy Scouts

My son has finally found a cub scout den to join!  We have certainly had a tough time finding boys his age in the immediate area to play with, so this is the perfect answer.  He is thrilled!  I'm even having a tough time keeping him out of his scout uniform (Aren't they funny).  Our first meeting went wonderfully.  He knows a few of the boys from the short stint of PS so he doesn't feel like an outsider.  Also, it is a small enough group that he isn't overwhelmed.  Neither of my kids are large group types.  They definitely thrive in one-to-one or small group environments.  H is now on a mission to earn his patches.  He already earned a zoo patch at the pack meeting, and likely will earn another for his efforts in karate (need to update the karate situation in a later post).  Little L now wants to find a girl scout troop to join, so the search is on.

On a side note,  I have never heard of this before - the boy scouts sell popcorn for fundraising.  I know all about girl scout cookies, but not boy scout popcorn.  I don't know how I made it this far in life without ever hearing of it.  Oh well... The boys set up a popcorn table at the grocery store on Saturday and sales were fairly good.  I was actually surprised at how supportive people were of the scouts.  A very senior and enthusiastic former Eagle Scout even drilled the boys on their motto and promise.  He told us of all the fond memories he has of scouts, even after all these years. It was quite charming.  I got to sample some of the caramel popcorn... mmmmmm.  Yummy stuff.  Pricey but good.  I bought a bag on the spot (must have been hungry) with plans of more.  As you can guess, H is now selling popcorn to raise funds for the boy scouts.  Would you like to order some?  Here is H's link to the online ordering site.  He would be very thankful for your support.  http://www.trails-end.com/estore/scouts/email_referral.jsp?id=8356096
Now I'm hungry.... sigh.  And not one popcorn kernel in the house....

Change of plans, just for a day

My living room floor... Gorgeous!

Instead of our usual academics we took a different approach to our day today.  The fall colors are simply stunning right now - leaves freshly dropped from the trees are crisp and richly colored and smell of earth and autumn.  I have had the idea in the back of my mind to get out and collect leaves for a fall project and today was the day.  With rainstorms brewing, we rushed outside with grocery bags in hand and headed up the trail.  Approximately 10 minutes into our hike we arrived at the mother load of autumn leaves.  All colors, shapes, and sizes.  Leaves, twigs, pine cones, and the occasional rock all made their way into our overflowing sacks.  The kids chattering the entire time, picking here, picking there, and helping the branches shed just a few more leaves, breathing the fresh autumn air and simply being in nature was therapeutic for us all.  I once again became the best teacher on the planet, at least for today.  Once our bags were full to bursting, and the threat from distant thunder drew closer, we headed back home with our bounty.  Immediately upon arrival, much like after a Halloween outing, the kids poured out their goodies all over the middle of the living room floor for closer inspection and sorting.  Fall had moved indoors!  As the world's best teacher I prepared for some actual crafting, the kids busied themselves with dreams of collecting more leaves to jump into and then headed to the kitchen table.  Today we are making fall wreaths with the added bonus of using hot glue guns for the very first time.  And a bonus it was!  H quickly discovered you could make some pretty neat crystal looking blobs with this glue. After the initial novelty of crystal blobs wore off, the real work began.  Here are some photos of our fall decor creations in progress and finished.  Oh - and the best part, we spent some quality time together, we all had fun, and the cost was FREE! (except for some glue sticks).  Life is good.

Another Summer

Wow.  I suppose that the start of Public School signifies the official end of yet another summer.  It went by so quickly.  It was such a blur, I honestly can't really say I got much fun out of it. Oh well... I suppose that we come out of a difficult and blurry period of life with a new and clearer vision and understanding of ourselves.  Although I don't claim to have turned a new leaf, I find myself with a slightly new perspective of myself.  Priorities have made themselves known, and are now shuffling themselves into their respective places waiting for me to follow through. So here is where my life currently stands:
I am not going to sell the house.
I will not be moving to Oregon or California.
I will be Homeschooling the kids again (YAY!).
I am looking for various ways of generating a small income with my ultimate goal being to accelerate pay-off the mortgage (or at least having a hefty rainy day fund) and gaining a sense of financial independence.
Other difficult aspects of my life are not yet clear, but at least I am finally making some decisions and finding peace in those.
It helps to remember that "One step at a time will eventually get you to where you want to go".

Today

Had a lovely evening as I continue learning about beekeeping, and the kids made a few new friends in the process as well. Found a family actually living all aspects of the life I imagined for myself. It's encouraging to see that it really can happen. Now to find the secret.....

The way things happen

Stopped at a little roadside store today to buy some raw honey. Ended up out in the middle of the apiary looking inside beehives for an hour. It was AWESOME!!! I love how things simply happen while traveling through life, at just the right moment.

Family time

What a beautiful day today! The kids and I took our first official bike ride of the year complete with a stop at the playground. Then we worked a bit in the yard followed by violin practice (without moaning) and a yummy dinner that my daughter helped prepare. It feels so good to see the smiles on my kids faces. I am at peace today.


I am so excited about the end of PS and going back to HSing!  There's no place like home.

Guilty or Good?

It's amazing how quickly things can change, right beneath our noses.  And it's also amazing how long the process of change can wreak havoc on our day to day lives.

I write this today with the (in my mind shameful) admission that in January I had to put the kids in PS.  Oh DREAD!   But in reality it was likely the best thing to do at the time.  My marriage and life in our household had deteriorated to such a point that I was physically, mentally and emotionally unable to function in any real capacity.  It took just about every ounce of energy I had to get out of bed and deal with the basics of meal prep and general household maintenance.  Yes, HSing was still taking place, but honestly, it was sporadic and always came with a dark cloud looming nearby.  Patience was no longer in my vocabulary, nor did I have the energy to combat the ever increasing incidences of student resistance.  Needless to say our HS schedule, and life in general for all of us, had been negatively affected by the incessant arguing between myself and my husband.  TOTAL BURNOUT had moved in and taken over our household.  It pains me to even think how dismal my world seemed at the time.

Fast forward 4 months.  Had it been so long???!  The kids have adjusted to PS and for a short while even enjoyed it.  My daughter has made progress in spelling, however has lost ground in math.  My son however has made no real progress in any subject that I can identify, but thankfully has not appeared to lose ground in any subject either.  Yet in the past several months, I have found greater clarity in WHY I felt so strongly about homeschooling in the first place.  I have reconnected with my values and my self.  I feel like I can stand on solid ground now, and not be shaken to the core by the negative energy that is unfortunately a very real part of life.  I have collected myself and I am ready to begin again.  This time with a new set of priorities, a clearer vision of how to meet them, and perhaps a thicker skin as well.  I couldn't have found this clarity had I continued to "go through the motions".  Yes, I still think of PS in negative terms, but at the same time realize that it was better than sitting at home with a miserable mom.  Sometimes we need to bite our tongue and do something we don't want to - in order to save the things most important to us.

The reason I write all this is that I know for certain there are other HSers out there experiencing tough times.  If I can offer just one bit of hope to someone out there suffering the effects of burnout, I am happy.  I have learned from experience that we don't have to feel guilty about sending our kids to PS for a while.  It might be the best favor you do for your kids and yourself...

Ready to start anew!  Look out HS - here we come!

The best laid plans

Life has a way of interfering in even the best of plans and we are no exception.

We plodded our way through winter and actually were doing quite well. We have been moving through our math and spelling lessons swiftly, language lessons were falling into place, science found it's way into our schedule.... then March came. I had surgery to fix a small (and I mean tiny) umbilical hernia. I thought, "Okay, it's a teeny tiny incision, so this will be easy. Like a paper cut." HA! What a joke. What I thought would take 3 days, took weeks! I suppose even the smallest of surgeries are still a big deal. It's tough to teach when you can't move, so our lessons slowed significantly. BUT - blessings do come in the strangest packages. Since I was not allowed to do any lifting of any sort, the kids got a few lessons on cleaning house. Both kids are now proficient at vacuuming the house, and H is now a laundry aficionado. I have been informed that he will now do all the laundry. We'll see how long his enthusiasm lasts. :)
So that was March - then came April..... After being cooped up in the house all winter, we finally had enough! April was a perfect time to take a trip to Grandma's house in CA and celebrate birthdays there. What a glorious trip we had! Spring had sprung and the weather was outstanding! We stayed the entire month and the kids played outside everyday! We went to the Redwoods, the ocean and beach, got a beautiful view of the Golden Gate Bridge from the Marin Headlands, visited Marine World (now known as Six Flags Discovery Park) and the Exploratorium in SF. We celebrated Easter and two birthdays (H is now 8 and L is 6). Needless to say, our education was very hands on for April. The books stayed quietly in their bag. We finally made our way back home just in time for May to begin. My homecoming was celebrated on a heating pad with a backache which is now going on week 2..... We are very happy to see that the snow is melted away though, and spring is arriving here in the mountains. We are off to a slow start this week, working on Math and continuing our "body"books as a start. It is time to start our garden (and gardening lessons) as well. It will take another week or two before we are back to speed, but we are all thankful for the wonderful time we had in CA. The break was worth it.

Tooth Fairy on the way!

H lost another tooth today! He is hoping to catch a glimpse of the tooth fairy tonight, but is just as eager for his reward in the morning. Isn't it nice to be young??

A New Year

Wow - it's 2009... Where does the time go?
Just many folks make their resolutions, this year I have decided to do the same. I usually don't bother, but this year I feel like this is a great time for a new start and fresh outlook. So, without further adieu, here are my plans for the new year...

Become and remain more organized. My biggest problem is that there are still things in my house that don't have a true "home". It's those very homeless items which clutter the house and get in the way of just about everything. We have been in this house for a year now, and there is still a storage room FULL of boxes and bags of "stuff". It is time to pull myself up by the bootstraps and muster up the courage to actually sort through the junk. We have already started the organizing process before xmas (with the simple stuff) and we all feel better for it, so now for the grand finale, we will tackle the "junk" room.
Also, with the house more organized, it generally is easier to keep tidy. One of the biggest obstacles in our homeschooling day has been to first have to clear off the table and tidy the room we are working in. If I have trouble focusing on our lessons when the room is a mess, then I can only guess the kids are equally distracted. It's time to end the constant struggle with clutter.

Less Pasta, more veggies and fruit. Pasta is such an easy and quick meal to toss together at the end of a long and busy day. We seem to have lots of those... I am working more and more veggies and fruit into our diet and the difference is already noticeable. We don't seem quite as sluggish throughout the day (and especially after dinner). Also, the kids are getting less picky as more veggies keep appearing on their plates. An added bonus! :)

Streamline our HS schedule. After reading Ruth Beechick's You can teach your child successfully, I came to realize that what I was doing previously basically amounted to doing "school at home". We tried to cover too many subjects at once and we never got into any real depth with each one - and we (I) were going nuts. I have finally found peace with the idea that "Less is more", especially when it comes to HSing. We are working more in depth with the basics (3 Rs) and adding in additional topics as we progress. I started this approach about a month or two ago, and it has really been working well for us - So we will continue.

I suppose that covers the primary personal goals have for myself this year. I'll keep you updated with our progress as time goes on.

A Fleeting Thought

Isn't it fun and amazing at how much we as parents learn (and relearn) in the homeschooling process? It all seems so much more interesting now, and actually has application in our daily lives as adults. I am soooo grateful for the chance to teach, learn, and have a close and bonded relationship with my kids. Homeschooling is a wonderful gift!!!!

He wins GOLD!

Today was H's very first Karate tournament. It was done in the style of the Olympics with the winners receiving a gold, silver or bronze medal. H competed in the Forms and Self Defense categories, and won 1st place (and the Gold Medal) in each category! :) He was absolutely thrilled, as was Mom, Dad and Sis.