It's amazing how quickly things can change, right beneath our noses. And it's also amazing how long the process of change can wreak havoc on our day to day lives.
I write this today with the (in my mind shameful) admission that in January I had to put the kids in PS. Oh DREAD! But in reality it was likely the best thing to do at the time. My marriage and life in our household had deteriorated to such a point that I was physically, mentally and emotionally unable to function in any real capacity. It took just about every ounce of energy I had to get out of bed and deal with the basics of meal prep and general household maintenance. Yes, HSing was still taking place, but honestly, it was sporadic and always came with a dark cloud looming nearby. Patience was no longer in my vocabulary, nor did I have the energy to combat the ever increasing incidences of student resistance. Needless to say our HS schedule, and life in general for all of us, had been negatively affected by the incessant arguing between myself and my husband. TOTAL BURNOUT had moved in and taken over our household. It pains me to even think how dismal my world seemed at the time.
Fast forward 4 months. Had it been so long???! The kids have adjusted to PS and for a short while even enjoyed it. My daughter has made progress in spelling, however has lost ground in math. My son however has made no real progress in any subject that I can identify, but thankfully has not appeared to lose ground in any subject either. Yet in the past several months, I have found greater clarity in WHY I felt so strongly about homeschooling in the first place. I have reconnected with my values and my self. I feel like I can stand on solid ground now, and not be shaken to the core by the negative energy that is unfortunately a very real part of life. I have collected myself and I am ready to begin again. This time with a new set of priorities, a clearer vision of how to meet them, and perhaps a thicker skin as well. I couldn't have found this clarity had I continued to "go through the motions". Yes, I still think of PS in negative terms, but at the same time realize that it was better than sitting at home with a miserable mom. Sometimes we need to bite our tongue and do something we don't want to - in order to save the things most important to us.
The reason I write all this is that I know for certain there are other HSers out there experiencing tough times. If I can offer just one bit of hope to someone out there suffering the effects of burnout, I am happy. I have learned from experience that we don't have to feel guilty about sending our kids to PS for a while. It might be the best favor you do for your kids and yourself...
Ready to start anew! Look out HS - here we come!