Wednesday, February 2, 2011


After looking through my old posts on this blog, I noticed that I spend a lot of time wishing and struggling for peace and harmony in my household, but yet, for several years it has alluded me no matter what I do or try.  I sound like a broken record.

So now I ask myself:
Am I expecting something unrealistic?
Or is there really a problem here that I am not dealing with?

The answer to both questions is yes.

I suppose the first part of the issue is that not everyone's idea of peace and harmony is the same.  Or they have different ways of getting there.  Or maybe it really doesn't matter to them.  And it really doesn't matter, since I have come to realize that the only place to find peace and harmony is within yourself, regardless of what other people think, do, say, or feel. Expecting someone else to fit into your own parameters isn't realistic.  What it does is guarantee disappointment.  And boy have I been disappointed.  I have been looking outside of myself for reinforcement, support, and yes, I admit it - peace.  The thing is, is that I set myself up for the disappointment.  I didn't live in the present moment.  I was looking to the next moment and finding fault with what was NOW, and how it would affect the future, my future... MY tranquility.  And naturally I blamed it on the perceived intrusion and/or impediment rather than accepting reality and my part in the disruption.

But then there is the nagging feeling that what I am hoping for ISN'T unrealistic.  I KNOW it is possible.

So what then is the problem?  Naturally we need to deal with the people and situations around us, and having expectations of others is completely normal, but what you do with them is where the difference lies.  I am concluding that the real key to dealing with our expectations is COMMUNICATION.  Without REAL communication, the entire structure of reliance and trust between two people breaks down.  If everyone openly and honestly communicates effectively, and LISTENS to the other person's concerns/needs, there should be no reason why a happy medium can't be found.  However, if one or neither party is able to effectively communicate and/or listen, it is virtually impossible for the needs/desires of either party to be met.  Unfortunately I am finding myself in just this situation.

So how do you resolve a stalemate?  You change yourself.  You change the circumstance.  You change the environment.  You change your expectations.  You change SOMETHING.  The only thing you can't change is someone else, and expecting them to change IS unrealistic.  You may find that the only way to find resolution is by leaving the relationship.  No matter what change you make, it really becomes our responsibility to ourselves, to take necessary measures to find our own personal peace and satisfaction in our relationships and lives.

The well known definition of INSANITY seems a very fitting way to end this post;

Insanity;  Doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results.

Is it time to end the insanity in your life?  Make a change for the better.  Today I accept responsibility for my own peace and harmony.

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